Mother and sister insist on visiting hospitalized son in Boston after his surgery to "care for him," but instead turn the trip into a vacation filled with sightseeing, shopping, and a Wicked premiere: 'They were on vacation, not visiting to support me'

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  • Man recovering from surgery
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  • AITAH for kicking my mom out who flew across the country to care for me?

    AITAH for calling out my mom and sister while I was literally in the hospital? I (33M) have been dealing with a pretty brutal 4 month health issue that's resulted in two separate 3 day hospital stays and a recent surgery.
  • My wife and I almost never ask for help with anything. So for this most recent surgery, I asked my sister to stay at our place at night to keep an eye on our cat.
  • Super simple. She could do whatever she wanted during the day. The only boundary: no having her boyfriend sleep in our bed.
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  • This request got pushback, but she reluctantly agreed. We stocked the place with food, wine, snacks, and even left a few little gifts to make it a nice weekend for her.
  • My mom couldn't make it to my first hospital stay and made a big deal about how she wouldn't miss this one because she wanted to support us.
  • She flew in, they came to visit me, and immediately started talking about all the fun things they planned to do in Boston, shopping, sightseeing, and going to the early premiere of Wicked.
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  • I was honestly shocked because I thought the purpose of the trip was to, you know, support their son/brother who was literally in the hospital.
  • Mother and daughter looking in their shopping bags
  • Meanwhile, my sister kept texting me asking if it was "okay" if her boyfriend slept over.
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  • kept saying no, and she kept asking anyway. He still stayed over at the apartment until like 2 a.m.
  • multiple nights. Fast-forward to Monday. I recover faster than expected and get discharged early. I show up at home around 10 a.m.
  • to surprise them. They act happy to see me, and I (foolishly) thought maybe this meant we'd all hang out, decompress, celebrate that things went well, etc.
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  • Nope. They immediately bring up how excited they are for Wicked and how "it's too bad" I can't come because they only bought two tickets.
  • Then they headed out for their fun day, while staying in my house, eating my food, using my space, without having cooked a single meal, cleaned a dish, or really helped my wife with anything while I was hospitalized.
  • In fact she was left cleaning up their mess. Honestly, it felt like they were on vacation, not visiting to support me.
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  • So I finally called them out and said I felt hurt and taken advantage of. Their response?
  • Sick man sitting on the couch
  • "Wow, that's one way to treat the people who dropped everything, love you and care for you." At that point I was so stunned I didn't even know what to say.
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  • So... AITAH for finally saying something? Edit: I told my mom she had to leave on the next flight out.
  • Background_System726 NTA. While it's fine to sneak fun stuff in, they seem to have forgotten the actual purpose of the visit and left y'all with more work to do by not cleaning up after themselves
  • OP kittieat7 Agreed. Honestly, would have encouraged them to go out just within hours of me getting home when i needed the most help
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  • Akot_elderm NTA they dropped everything but those Wicked tickets
  • OP kittieat7 Not to mention the shopping trip before that...
  • Nice_Beans1234 You were in the hospital, you asked for one boundary, your family agreed - then ignored it, you were vulnerable and needed support, and they treated your crisis like a vacation package. Calling out disrespect is not being an asshole, It's setting a boundary you shouldn't have had to set in the first place. "Wow, that's one way to treat the people who dropped everything, love you and care for you." \-Classic manipulative behavior. They are pissed you called out their real intention
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  • OP kittieat7 THIS. You're exactly right, I never thought that would be a boundary I needed to set.
  • CentralSterile97 NTA. Your mom didn't help you. I'd say she hindered you, actually. Not only did she not do anything for you, but she added to your wife's plate by making a mess that your wife then had to clean up. This wasn't a vacation like she and your sister seem to think it was. I'm not saying they can't do anything fun while they're there, but the fun stuff does not take priority. You do.
  • OP kittieat7 We tried to prep everything to make it easier on them, made up a bed, etc. guess they took that and ran with it.
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